A Journey of living with Food Addiction: The Food Addiction Chronicles

The Age of Food Addiction

2011-11-03T00:32:00.000-04:00

I joined wego health this week and I am taking part in the post 30 blog posts in 30 days. I have a blog called the Journey of Living With Food Addiction @ http://angelvoices-angeliwhispers.blogspot.com/. Please stop by to look over the website.
The prompt that was given tonight was Your blog is being turned into a TV show! Congrats – you’ve earned it. In fact, you get to co-write it. Write about the TV show based on your life or blog.

I have given this a lot of thought today and think I think i would make the show a informational show for the viewers. They would learn important facts about the food addiction.. Such as societies opinin of food addiction and the medical fields opinion of what food addiction is.. Although we will not give out diet plans we will offer healthy food recipes, and guests who are dealing with food addiction on personal level who have met recovery in their fight with food addiction. i would also have a segment in the show where experts in researching food addiction can speak and a 15 minute segment where the audience or home audience could email questions for the host and expert on food addiction. We would talk about food childhood food addiction issues and how society has to help these children so they may have a healthy food addiction..
The premise we will have on food addiction is tha it is a biochemical disease and that its not a matter of will power... Feeding the body right and consistent healthy eating will help in recovery... Staying away from what triggers us biochemically will be discussed too. we will also have a resource board for all watching the show..
This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

TODAY'S PROMPT IS TO SHARE FIVE BOOK TITLES YOU MIGHT USE FOR YOUR AILMENT...

2011-11-01T22:53:00.000-04:00

I just joined WEGO yesterday and i find it all very interesting. I have a few issues, but the issue i am going to speak about this past month is FOOD ADDICTION. I have been dealing with food addiction for a great many years. I feel that my food addiction issues were rooted in my childhood. It seemed that I never got enough food. I loved sugar, but I never seemed to get enough of it. It was dolled out to us kids so we really craved to have more each time we were given the white addictive stuff. I was physically of normal weight through out most of my childhood. Actually I was quite thin. As an adult, I started to put on weight during different time up till i was in my late 40's. I did many diets all through those years. Yoyo dieting was a constant in my life..I felt very helpless and hopeless about my weight issues and I got to the point that i didn't care what i ate, until i realized i needed to make some changes. ............Found recovery in 2002 and lost recovery in 2006..........Last week, after of being a very active in food addiction, I again realized that I had to find recovery.. I have been in recovery for five day...... its a start and a really good start.... i have a blog....about my struggle with food addiction for the past 3 years... the link is as follows: http://angelvoices-angeliwhispers.blogspot.com/. The title of the blog is A Journey of living with Food Addiction. If you get a chance to read the blog read from the beginning, because it shows my two progress in dealing with food addiction relapse.. The five titles I would use are as follows
- - The Care and Feeding of a Food Addict
  - The Journey of a Food Addict
  - Always On My Mind (with a big piece of chocalate cake in the cover)
  - Food Addiction, A National Epidemic
- This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

The struggle a year later

2011-10-27T12:20:00.000-04:00

I have made a decision today, and the decision is this: I want to live. I can no longer go on with the daily committee in my head telling me what I need to be eating and drinking today. Telling me to stop at this place and that place, to calm my nerves after a hard days of work or whatever else the committee speaks to me about. I can no longer live with the feeling that tomorrow is another day in which to start my diet.
More than a year has passed and for me when I really sit and think about it, that is a long time of letting this addiction to continue on with out intervention.. I can't do this anymore. I have to find recovery and I have to find a peace of mind with in my heart about this issue.
For the last year or so I have been totally floundering in dealing with food addiction. Whenever I tried to find help or speak to others about it, I was told you have been in recovery before you can do it again. You would think that was true on paper. The issue is I am totally helpless and totally powerless of dealing with my food addiction. I am learning again that its a matter of surrender and a belief that my Higher Power can help me with this surrender of giving up the food that is addictive. Also what the triggers are for me, that cause me to eat in volume and nonstop.
I remember when I had recovery I didn't have the choices I have now. I had a certain food plan, and I followed it day by day, reporting my food to my sponsor, also calling others in food addictiion and reading my literature. I had a structure and in reflecting about all of that, I was pretty happy with this way of life. I have asked my Highest Power to take away my cravings today and to help me to see what options I have for myself as someone who is dealing with food addiction. I heard you aren't someone, you are Peg and you need help. Don't be afraid to talk to others in the program, for they are willing to help . Don't be afraid to let your guard down, so you can honestly get into recovery for your illness. I have done this and I have spoken to someone who I respect and is a leader in helping others with food addiction. I appreciate to be able to get to this point where I have taken a look in finding recovery again. At this point I have plans to get back to this program and let the decisions of what I am to eat be only what I have written down for food intake today. Sometimes I have to reach bottom to do something about my food addiction. This blog talks about the struggle in the last 2-3 years. I am happy to say that this blog will speak about the recovery I have now surrendered to. Self pity is getting me nowhere....This disease is horrible and I personally hope that no one has had to deal with it in the way that I have dealt with it. My food today is BREAKFAST OATMEAL, BERRIES, TWO EGGS AND YOGURTLUNCH IS GOING TO BE 2 CUPS OF SALAD AND TUNA WITH MAY AND RICE. DINNER 4 OZ SALMON, 1 CUP OF RICE MIX AND 2 CUPS OF CARROTS AND GREEN BEANS. METABOLIC WILL BE 1 CUP YOGURT AND 6 OZ FRUIT.....Have a wonderful day...

Dealing in choices, when it comes to food addiction

2010-09-30T15:06:00.000-04:00

I am sometimes overwhelmed by the amount of food that is around everywhere i go. i am also overwhelmed by the portion sized in which the food is served in some restaurants and the many varieties of food in a supermarket. One thing i have noticed is the how one food such as trisicuits come in many different varieties so the choice of what kind of triscuit you might want has quadurpled. Of course you want to try every flavore offered because you just love eating triscuits. Also i have noticed this in a lot of the cookie brands such as oreo cookies.. Forty years there was one brand chocolate cookie and white filling. And now we have several different varieties we can choose from of just an oreo cookie. Also the coffee creamers it use to be just one coffee creamer which was just cream now there mare varieties. As a food addict, it poses a real problem for me. It causes me to want to try all of the varieits of a particular food, to see if i like any of them. A person who wasn't a food addict would have no issue. They would pick just a variety that really sings to them.
I guess what i am surmising is that there is a great increase in the selling of sugary snacks. For me sugar is terribly addictive and i have a very hard time giving it up. I like it and i enjoy eating it. Its my freind and my companion at times. Why would i give it up. Well for one thing i want to live. I want to be healthy and i want to see my nieces and nephews live to a ripe age. I want to be able walk around easily and i want to posess the teeth I presently own. I want to be able to be free from numbing my feelings and also be at a wieght that is proportional to height and age.
I am not saying to cut down on sugar if you don't wish to do so. But when will you cease to wanting more sugar? I have found out in my years of dealing food addiction that i will always want more. I feel that there isn't any specifi food plan for someone who is dealing with food addiction. It is pretty individual because we all have our triggers of food. This blog isn't to tell you what to eat but there may be some information about what truiggers us to eat great volumes of food. So there is prescribed diet we all have todecide what the triggers are for us personally.
But I can talk about the pain we feel when dealing with food addiction. Offer support and offer encouragement in what you would like to do for your self. Some people do with 12 step programs, or going to a nutritionis or getting diet counseling. Exercise of some kind is helpful and also making some goals around dealing with the food addiction is helpful too. Talking to friends and information from expersts is helpful too. What ever path you wish to follow concerning food addiction is your choice. Being informed about food addiction is also your choice.
My question to you is how much longer do u want to continue to be where you are now. What measures can you take to change the situation. When we consider these questions we help ourselves to focus on the matter at hand.
I am wishing you to make the choices that are good for you at this particular time.

Making healthy choices

2010-09-24T14:44:00.003-04:00

     I have cut down on the sugar a great deal this week . I have totally cut out all wheat and flour. The occasional lemonade creeps into the mouth, but it isn't chocolate, cookies or cake. Which i can do quite easily at any given time. I have stayed away from eggs this week and i do feel a little lighter not sure why either. I am finding that habits are hard to break especially when so much emotional connection to the food is present. To say you aren't going to eat that anymore is upsettinng but i am promising myself no more self abuse. I know my body cannot take this abuse of putting food into my mouth that is full of sugar. I do feel a heaviness has left me as if my body is saying thank you for not putting that in your mouth. I have been eating a lot more fruit and it seems to satisfy me and deter me from eating a sugary thing.
       I also tend to eat more when my husband is away. Last night i ordered a salad with turkey and some goat cheese and spinach. It was delicious and then had an apple later in the evening. My ankles are doing well. There is no more swelling as i have been keeping them on an otterman.  I have cut salt out too.

There is a place where you get to the point where you really want to stop eating the junk and you want to start eating healthy. At least you think about doing that. Then you find yourself buying food that is healthy....... But you still have moments of pigging out.... And then the guilt takes place...... I have found that is not a good place to be . When the guilt takes place you are in a love/ hate place with how you are eating.
     Sometimes rewarding yourself with a small token to highlight your successes can help. Journaling about the struggle helps. Also planning your meals and how you wamt to eat on a particular day helps too.,   Maybe telling a friend about what you are doing and let them know what you plan to eat is helpful too. It will hold you accountable to what food you will be eating.
     I think the last few weeks has brought me to a place from Gotta have it, I choose not to have this sugar at this time,   besides i want to eat healthy at this time. For me its a big step and i need to keep motivated to continue this was of thinking. Its so easy to say yes to a sugary thing.   I think for now i would rather say yes to good health.

The case of the missing food addict

2010-09-21T15:34:00.004-04:00

I started this blog in 2008 to help myself and others in dealing with food addiction. I stopped writing in this blog last fall because i wasn't getting anywhere with progressing towards recovery. I just felt that this has not helped any one because there still is no success story. Each entry has a big fat promise of true recovery. And each entry has a promise of starting again at new recovery. Each entry was short of the recovery because i could not keep away from the food and had a million reasons why this was happening. I didn't feel i was qualifed to talk about this until i found recovery for myself.

This year has been a year of dealing with several medical issues, which has lead to cutting out certain foods in my diet and trying to control the issues i have had with the food. I am at the point now where i am willing to try recovery once again considering the fact that there is much i am not able to eat anyways. I have done some shopping for food that i can eat and I have begun the food program...... I am not here to prescribe a food program for you nor am i qualified.. But what i can do is to talk about the way i can be motivated to do what i need to do to getting started on the my foodo program..

But before i start that i need to speak about the place i was in when i decided i wasn't in recovery again. I was at the point where i knew i had no choice but to stay to myself.. How much is enough? Is that place close at hand or is it far away. Then i thought, there is no place in my mind that i will ever truly be satisfied with certain foods.. i will always to eat them because they are so good. So now that i know that need will truly ever be satisfied its time for me to find other ways to feeling satisfied. What else do i like to do besides eating? Eating cant possibly be the only coping mechanism i have in dealing with life? Could there be something else. I thought about it. I decided that i needed explore this query. What were other ways of dealing with life that lasted longer then the 10 seconds of pleasure that came out of eating a brownie sundae?

I could do the following things

write about my feelings
read a book
ignore the impulsive feeling of wanting to pig out
call a friend
call a family member
clean a closet
paint a room
plant a garden
finish a project
write a poem about my feelings
go for a walk
leave the house
listen to a cd while drinking a big glass of water

The list is endless and could go on for pages, especially if i was with a group and we all participated in the discussion at hand. It is interesting how there are some people that don't have the same issues with sugar products. Its like they just don't have the same problems of not being able to stop eating. They are in full control and can stop at eating one piece of sugar immediately. I do envy people with that control.

I went out to buy a few cookbooks that looked very interesting. They have helped me a bit with ideas for snacks and for smoothies... I need to sit down again to readthe book so i can use more of the recipes.

The fact that i have started the thinking of recovery is a good thing its a start. I need to do this for me and also to help my husband to eat well too. Tonight i have a meal planned its healthy and well rounded. i can wait to eat it. I wish you well in your endeavors towards healthy eating.

My plan for this week is to eat food that is healthy and will help in my goals to losing weight i no longer have an interest in carrying around. So one day at a time i will keep the weight off lose what i dont need and eat the food that is good for me... Thank you angels for getting back to writing in this blog... It has been such a long time ....

2009-10-06T17:21:00.007-04:00

Today was a disppointment for me .. I had a lunch all set and i forgot it at the last minute.. So no lunch for me.. Went to Wendys and got a chicken sandwich. Something to tide me over till dinnertime. There are different times when we are bridges to one another and that we are all connected but don't always see the connection in this. We may have a peice of information to give one another, something that we have never seen but the information was useful and the information helped them to understand what they were never aware of before. My blog is not a blog with new and lucious recipes, nor do i have food plan that i will say is the best or the worst to start at any particulat time.. My blog is here is because i want to help others who are struggling day day out with an addiction to food ( which is mostly sugar) that is very hard to break, because of the cravings of wanting that food so badly that it hurts not to eat that food. Its the compulsive act of eating volumes of food because we have to feel better now or we will not be able to go on. Its the act in which the craving is so strong that no matter what anyone will say to us... We still want that food... Because it will make us feel better.. Okay so you ate the food do u feel better.. ? Well it tasted great and i am happy now for now..........Oh why did i eat that bowl of ice cream> Did i really need that icecream> I always do this to my self tomorrow i will do better I promise.. I can't keep doing this..
Does any of this sound familiar to any of you reading this? I bet it does, i am sure u have heard it at one time or another.. I sure have and the person i am usually hearing saying this .... is ME
I do know that if u don't eat something like sugar or wheat or flour the cravings do go away. And u do see a change in how you feel over time.. Its not a problem with will power...The cravings do go away when you have conscously stopped eating the flour sugar or wheat..... But i have found its hard to do alone because usually are hardest to do this on our own...... Some people turn to a higher power or to a group of people trying to do the same thing.. A common thread to help each other... I am not going to give up this goal to be totally off of sugar wheat and flour... It can be done, and it has been done... Something has to got to give..... I really wish i remembered my lunch today as it was a really healthy lunch...But i will have the lunch tomorrow and we shall see what tomorrow brings... I don't live far away from where i work, so i have left my cash at home ,so i won't be tempted to go to the vending machines.... I have found good results with this.. I bring my water and healthy snacks with me and i am as happy as a canary taking a bird bath..... I wish you all a day of where you can be happy about the healthy food you choose to eat each day...

Going Forward

2009-07-07T22:51:00.002-04:00

I have been able to continue with the nutritionist and following his suggestions these past weeks. I am slowly making choices that are postive and healthy for me. I am finding that with the vitamins and food suggestions that were suggested to me. I am eating a lot more fish and alot of poultry along with vegetables and some grains. I have been eating like 5 meals a day two small snacks and three meals. I have my meals planned in my head each day and i am feeling so much better. i am not perfect but postive gains are being made for sure. I have a lot of hope and I speak to my angels constantly about what needs to be done to continue with choice i have made for myself at any particular time.
Stress does a job on us emotionally and physically. Food has been my vice and its been used in a negative way.. It still is my vice but i am learning to take care of myself by eating food that is healthy nourishing. I am learning to listen to my body and to honor it by putting the correct food into it. Also making sure drinking a lot of water and keeping the body hydrated has been an important goal for me.
The other day I went to lunch with husband at steak house that was new in my town. We went there and the first thing i saw was that there were buckets of peanuts in the shell on each table. I had some but wasn''t compulsive about it. Then we looked at the menum and saw that there were some chicken dishes/ I picked a chicken dish with mushrooms and a bit of cheese, along with a baked potato and green beans. When the meal came the chicken was in dripping brown gravy and the greenbeans were in some sort of bacon or pork mixin.. To say the least i was not too pleased. I ate the sweet potato and the chicken scraped off the gravy. Also the restarant had periods of very loud noise, which was not to our liking.. This will be the last we go there as it didn't fit our interests at all....If i had ordered a steak, it probably would have been fine but i am not eating red meat these days so having steak wasn't going to happen on that day also. You live and you learn. What i learned is that to get the food they way you like to is best cooked at home on your stove or in your oven. I wish you all great week in making your food choices.

Bottoming Out

2009-06-28T18:41:00.007-04:00

I had an epiphany today... I really do want to eat healthy, the sugar stuff that i am eating is not making me feel any better, especially when i am eating the sugar to keep calm.. I don't feel anymore calm whether it be eating or drinking the sugary stuff. Recently I found a nurtritionist who is going to be helping me with getting my body into shape and to get rid of the cravings of sugar flour and wheat. I have started out with some vitamins and some fish oil to take on a daily basis. I am finding i am feeling better already.. My body is craving for food that is healthy and nutritional.
Today I went to breakfast a local eatery that specializes in breakfast food. Now places that specialize in breakfast food have always been my favorite place to go on sunday morning with my wonderful husband Jonathan. We hadn't done this in years. So off we go to the eatery . I look at the menu and think would be good to eat.. I thought of an omelet but it had three eggs... then i thought of make your own omelet and i thought it would be too expensive. Then i saw they offered two eggs any style and a meat. They had a greek sausage loganica Ibelieve and said ok i will have that with that but it also came with bread and potatoes. I said i won't eat those, I will offer them to Jonathan. I ordered my breakfast and spent the time speaking to my husband and observing the people in the restaurant. As I was watching the people come in and out I realized that this is a real microscopic view of how people eat on a sunday morning in a local eatery. There were alot of kids with families and there were alot of couples there. There were people of all sizes and people who just came for a muffin and coffee to a full blown meal of greasy eggs and sausages. I recieved my meal I could see the grease oozing out of the eggs. The butter was oozing out of the toast and the potatoes looked like they had been on the burner for half a day. I ate the eggs and 1 half link, and gave Jonathan the other link. To be honest I was not satisfied with the meal in anyway. I could actually feel my arteries harden just a little bit more this morning.
The turning point in all of this is that I went shopping this afternoon for some wholesome food and so i can make my own breakfasts with food that is healthy. Tonight I will do what i need to do to begin this program on the right foot and continue to make the towards healthy eating.. What turning points have you come to that have changed your minds in the way you plan to eat in the future? How times do we have to abuse our bodies to come to these conclusions.... I wish u a wonderful week and a week of eating really healthy food

Thoughts from a food addict

2009-04-28T00:56:00.004-04:00

I have always heard about the the chocolate bar at the old Meridian Hotel in Boston. I have always wanted to check it out but never got there. This weekend I was at the Love, Light and Laughter event, at the Quincy Marriot, and to my surprise there was a chocolate bar out in the hallway. I was sitting at a booth and noticed people getting into a line.. I asked the person I was with what the line was for... She said the line was for the chocolate bar. I was like hmmmmm. My long awaited wish of going to to a chocolate bar has arrived. I thought well there are reasons why I can go and take part in the activity and also reasons why Idon't need to go and partake in the chocolate bar. Then there was the thought of: I can go to the chocolate bar and really have a great time of eating what was there.. and feel guilty after I have eaten it all OR I could feel really good about making the choice of not eating the chocolate morsels.
What a quandry .... My choice in what to do was to stay away from the chocolate bar.
I felt really good about making that choice.. and I felt that I made the right choice. I know that if I had some of the chocolate the enjoyment of it would last until i had finished my last bite. Then the guilt and self loathing would set in.. I didn't want to feel any of those emotions ...
This is a step forward for me.. Tiny steps like these are a good sign.. I have come to the conclusion i don't need to stuff myself every time Iam feeling a little bit stressed. I have known this for a long time but i have not felt that i was able to stop myself...The change has been that I want to stop the crazy eating.. The feeling i get when i do eat the sugar is not the least bit helpful, nor is it the least bit self-empowering. It abuse that doesn't have to really happen.
With tiny steps i will continue to change this thinking and get back to a place where I will eat food that is healthy for me .

For now I have my lunch planned for tomorrow and also my breakfast and lunch is planned... Tomorrow will be a good day and I will only eat food that is healthy for me . Wishing you all a day of healthy eating and exercise.

I thank my angels for showing me that i can say no to food that i don't really need to eat.. I could really feel their encouragement in helping to pass up the food at the chocolate bar... Thank you angels and thank you for letting me you were there for me...

Rebirth of Healthy Eating Habits.

2009-03-15T11:51:00.006-04:00

Spring is on its way and I can't believe how fast time has flown by. Spring is starting to show its face here in New England. The buds are peeking and the grass is greener and hints of crocus's are starting to show beauty. Days are starting to be warmer and hopes for warmer weather are in the air. When I think of spring I think of newness of nature and newness of life. Butterflies dancing and also the buzzing of bees going from flower to flower. Baby chicks and baby lambs flowers of every color displayed all around us. Spring is such a time of hope and newness. Rebirth and New Beginnings are all about us. It is a time of great excitement for all.

I can now go on my walks around my neighborhood to take in the spring air and to watch nature in action. Today, I went for a nice through Boston in the Qunicy Market area.... It was so beautiful there.

A week has passed and yesterday has marked the first day of Spring. I was quite cool outside but the sun was shining brightly. I took notice all through the week of my eating habits. I seem to be eating when I am feeling alot of stress in my life.. What else can I do to replace the need to eating food that is not good for me. I have spoken of this often but I repeat continually the pattern of overeating during times of stress.

For this weekend I plan to do some walking and to take notice of my eating. I want to buy to food that is healthly and also choose food that will keep me from eating flour wheat and sugar. I will report back tonight how I have done during today. Today is a sunny day and i will be outside enjoying the great weather today. I wish you a great day and a day that you can be at peace with.

2009-01-25T17:06:00.004-05:00

Last week, I spoke of how I was going deal with my food over the three day weekend. I wrote about how I will plan my food for each day and each meal during those three days. The three days went quite well, as far as not eating flour, sugar and wheat. I was also able to stay away from coffee too. In between meals I drank decaffenated tea and water. I had a piece of fruit in the late afternoon all three days. There was snow all day sunday, so I was home safe from all temptation. Monday we had a meal out and had soup and a salad. The work week that began on Tuesday was very hectic and didn't always make the choices that were the best for me. Though I did find I did have more water and decaffenated tea to drink during the day. I still have to work on the trip from work to home. I need to be sure this next week to make sure i have a plan each day to be sure I have something that will not cause a craving. The snack will most likely be a piece of fruit and some protein or dairy, like apple and nonfat yougurt with cinnamon. That will keep the cravings down and also keep this food addict away from the foods that are not helpful for striving towards recovery. In the last week I am finding that keeping away from red meat and eating more meals that are grains and vegetables.

I am sitting here watching the figure skating on television. The moves and the precision of their skating is amazing. The hours of practice that goes into this sport, and the dedication to their craft to me is wonderful. And then there are the hours of exercise and weight training, and watching what they put into their mouths, and eating very healthy. I have been thinking about exercise a lot this past week. Trying to figure out in the dead of winter where I am going to be able to find the time and place to exercise. My days of ice skating, I think are over and too cold to walk out side. But walking in the mall could be an option, or walking around work if you have a big area in which you workin. Then there is parking your car farther away from where you want to go like at work or shopping. Taking advantage of the warmer days, getting out and walking for 15 minutes. As I writing I am remembering that there is an exercise room in my complex.I really need to check this out... Sooner the better.. I hate exercise.. I was brought up in an era where sports and exercise were all that popular, girls, as they are today.. I believe it had the area in which i was living as young girl. There wasn't an team sports for me then.
I did love my bike and traveled long distances, loved to swim and also loved to row a boat or a canoe when younger. Maybe its time to bring back some of these interests that were enjoyed in the past. The main picture on this blog is Fort Hill in Eastham, MA. There are beautiful trails there and I really enjoy walking on them.... I can't wait till spring to go back there. Exercise is important and it also helps with the intake of food especially if eating on volume.. This week I am going to find ways to do some exercise. At least to walk for 15 minutes to the exercise in my complex and check out the new exercise equipment..Maybe I will even attempt to go on the treadmill. This week think about how you can incorporate some exercise into your schedule... Good luck with this.. Have a great week and feel free to comment on how you are going to incorporate some exercise into your next week.

2009-01-16T20:59:00.005-05:00

Ok its the weekend and it is a three day weekend. Will this be the weekend I will get my act together, concerning my food issues.? I have no excuse when I think about it. Its going to be very cold and its going to be snowing too. Planning my meals will be fairly simple. I will plan each meal for tomorrow tonight by writing down what I will be eating. I will not set foot in the coffee shops or candy shops because I want to keep the sugar out of my body these next three days. When cravings hit me, I will write down whether this is physical or mental. Am I really hungry or am I stressed out by something that has happend. Am I trying to numb out some feelings that I want to avoid? Is there something more healthy to eat at this time? Or is there something I could do to keep busy and help me to forget this binge I am about to indulge in? Is it worth the feelings thatA will be felt, after I eat this sugary food.?
Today, I was speaking to a friend who is also battling an addiction( not food). We were speaking of why we each feel why we have the addiction. There were many reasons why, and most of our individual reasons were very similar. In speaking to this friend, it seems that we use our addiction;

When we are stressed
When we want to numb our feelings
When we want to relax
When we are out with friends socially
When we are feeling lonely or confused
When we are worried
When we are angry
When we want to feel part of a group using our addiction vice

I have spoken about this many times. What can we do to replace the cookies or soda? Can we find something else to drinkor eat, which is just as cool and tasteful. " What about a drink of ice tea or a piece of fruit? "But I want it now"! If we could past that thought and start to think a bit more rationally instead of acting like a crazed person, with the goal of harming ourselves, with the substance, we use to supposedly soothe ourselves, then there is hope, that an alternate plan could be put in place.

This weekend I will be more aware of what is triggering me to want it now. In writing down these thought triggers of wanting it now, will help me to see a pattern of what is entailed. I don't think I have to do this alone. I can ask my higher power, who for me is God. I can ask my angels to guide me and to remind me to stay on track over the next three days. When the three days are over, I'll post an article as to how I did with this thinking. I wish you luck in your own personal struggles with food and pray that you are able to be true and to feel the peace you so justly deserve.... Please feel free to share your struggles and share how you are helping yourselves.

Nourishment

2008-12-21T14:43:00.001-05:00

What is nourishment to you ? Is nourishment a bowl of soup and some bread? Or is nourishment an ice cream sunday with three different flavors of ice cream and three different syrups, whipped cream and a cherry on top? If I ask myself this question with the choices presented above, it would depend on my mood and how I was feeling at a particular time. Also whether or not I was mindful of my food plan too. If I was mindful of my food plan I would definately eat the soup, and feel satisfied. If I wasn't being mindful I would have the sundae and enjoy it for the 5 minutes it took me to eat the sundae and then the guilt and self loathing and self abuse would take over....... Is that really nourishment??? I don't think so....
A few weeks ago I was meditating. about the issues I have around food. I was also trying to come to grips about this two year relapse, and why my recovery hasn't lasted more than a few days or a few weeks... As I was meditating about this, I heard the word nourishment. Then I heard "Let us nourish you". I thought about this and I am not enjoying the food thatI feel at time will nourish me... Its not happening.. I then thought of "let us noursh you" ....... I felt that this was message from the angels and asking me to let them guide me to nourshment and to also surrender to my higher power in seeking this nourshment. No matter how much food I may eat, I will never have enough to nourish me... I need a new focus on this fact. I have said this many times in this blog, I need to focus on other ways to find the nourishment. Maybe asking for my angels and my higher power for guidance, maybe deal with it with a creative edge. Changing the focus of the habits i have gained once again, needs to be challenged I feel.... A few days ago, I found a statement that someone who was also dealing with food addiction. It goes like this:

If your think your life will be miserable without chocolate, flour or fast food ask yourself this:

How miserable does this food make me now? Is it preventing me from looking good, having energy and feeling confident? "Deprivation is not living without certain foods but living with with them and being deprived of your true health and happiness." Trigger foods may make you happy temporarily, but if they make you sad in the long term, it doesn't make sense to keep them in your life.

The above statement makes so much sense to me and it reflects my feelings of nourishment for our bodies and nourishment for our souls......The holidays are here in full force of all kinds of sugar food and flour food.. Everywhere we go it is staring us in the face... This is of course tradition based and there is alot of emotional strings tied to all of this..... Some of us can have just one ( I can't) and some can just turn away from the tempting concoctions... Try to be mindful of what you are capable of.... Try to be good to yourself, andA be mindful of others in this holiday season// You deserve the very best and you deserve to feel good about who and what you are.. I wish you all a wonderful holiday season and a very happy 2009.

A New Week to Embrace

2008-10-05T10:50:00.004-04:00

Today, marks a new week for all of us, to work our programs to the best of our abilities and learn something new about ourselves. Last week was a really difficult week for me, in that my food was out of control, because of the events that were taking place. I guess, I let people, places and things affect me, before the food program of my choice. Life can get really intense at times and since people, places and things can seem so overpowering at times, that I neglected to take care of MY health needs. I have been empathic all of my life and peoples emotions have always been a bit overpowering to me. Becaue of this, I went to food for comfort. Food doesn't have any emotion.. It tastes good, keeps me company and there is usually plenty of it to access. I know that as a child, I used food as comfort, when I had access to it. I can remember sometimes in the evening after a crazy day with siblings, and I would be able to stay up later then my siblings, I would get a sleeve of salted crackers and eat the whole thing. I wasn't allowed a lot of sweets as a child, but when we did have them, I enjoyed them immensely. Had this feeling of never wanting to stop eating the sweet. When I became about 11 years old, we moved to the city, and I had direct access to getting my own stash of food, more easily. Most often the food was used as a stress reliever. It was acceptable to go out with your friends to the ice cream parlor for something cold and sweet, or to go the corner drug store for something sweet. So this habit of eating impulsively because of stress or to be stressful, has been with me a long time. I am finding that every addiction starts off being a habit and ends up becoming a pattern of destructive coping skill. There are many, that are able to eat whatever they need like a square of something sweet and then put it away and not bother with it for another month. Sugar, flour and wheat affect others differently. It is a biochemical reaction to the substances, which means you are born with this.
By becoming aware of this fact,it can help us to find recovery. I need to feel the acceptance of this fact and move toward my recovery. Sometimes, I feel as though I am two people. One that understands what the Food addiction is all about and the other who is having a hard time with the food, and having trouble coping with all of this. I guess it can be overwhelming, but I know that I can find recovery. Last week, I spoke of ways to not go to the food while I am at home. This week I need to find ways to cope with the food when I am shopping, at the bookstore, at others home for a meal, traveling, on my way home from work. One of the most difficult times I have for dealing with the food is when I am driving home from work, which I have spoken of before. Its like the stress that went on for the day comes to a head and I react destructively, by eating surgar flour products on the way home, from work, I need to find different ways to deal with the this.
I have come up with a few.

Have something to eat in the car, like a piece of fruit
Have something I really like waiting for me at home.
Start making dinner earlier
Be focused in coming straight home
Go for a walk when I get home
Listening to relaxing music on the way home
calling a friend
Waiting ten minutes, and not acting impulsive

I have found out the hard way that food addicition doesn't go away when the weight is lost and in recovery. It is still there, especially when that first bite has been taken again after however long you have been in recovery. Its a scarey thought, but it is the truth. This week I plan to be really concious of the times I am out of the house and wanting something to eat. Please feel free to share your ideas. I wish everyone a great week and look forward to hearing your shares.

Do you get in the way of you?

2008-09-27T18:52:00.002-04:00

Today, someone said to me, your thoughts are getting in the way of you living to your potential. I think that may be the case sometimes, but I also feel it may be the fact that I let others get in the way of me doing what I truly want to do at times. Sometimes I can be so wrapped up in what others are thinking about something, or even better; what I think others are thinking about something, especially when it pertains to myself. We are all entitled to our opinions. But do we have to take these opinions so personally and so to heart that we let these views keep us from being ourselves? In this day and age it is so important to get approval from others in how we live our life. We let others hold us back at times so, we can keep the peace and live in harmony according to what they feel, living in harmony, is all about. But is that really living in harmony when we don't truly feel it is for us. I don't think it is. I feel that if we cannot live up to our integrity and truth then our life is not authentic to the point where we are satisfied with how the events of our life is going. If we don't take a stand, on how we choose to live our life, who will?
This past week has been the pits for me.. I had been waiting for some answers about something in my life and I wasn't getting these answers. I was becoming a bit hyper if you call it that and feeling a bit compulsive. With the uncertainty of these events, I found my old friend sugar and and also coffee. I felt that at the time it was all I could do, to keep calm at the time. So I went off my program to help deal with these events. Meanwhile, Friday came and some of the issues that were a concern about were solved. I found further help for me with this sugar issue also. I have come to the conclusion that a list is needed to be written of the many different ways to deal with an issue other than eating sugar . So I have made this list and thought i would share it with you. So far my list is as follows:
write in my blog

Call a friend
write poetry
listen to music as I do some cleaning
Drink a big glass of water
plan my goals for the year
make a collage
read a book
clean my desk

There is so much I could be doing other than panicking and becoming compulsive...I had two weeks of no sugar and I felt great. One incident and I have lost that... I think that I will just dust myself off and get back on the program... No looking back or no saying woulda. coulda, shoulda. Trust is such a big part of this journey. Trusting that the universe will help guide me in this process, of recovering from food addictions. When I picked an angel card just now; the card that came up for me was Patience. The P word. I use to dread seeing that word. Because it meant I had no control over how I travel down this path called life. I want to recover from food addiction yesterday. To no longer be a food addict.. But that isn't going to happen..... I need to lay the groundwork of dealing with food addiction towards my recovery.. To let my angels guide me in this journey and to be patent with myself and with the angels who are with my at this very moment. In closing I ask that your angels be with you in your struggles . That they guide you and show you how to be patient with yourself too. Taking baby steps each day in this recovery process will accumulate and u will find that recovery is very close at hand. I wish you a day of rainbows and butterflies, and that your dreams will truly come true, whatever they may be for you.
What diversions do you have for yourself, when all you want to do is eat everything in sight? Please feel free to share these today.

Today is day number 11 of not eating addictively

2008-09-20T11:56:00.003-04:00

I woke up fairly early today and the food thoughts didn't seem to be there for me. I am very grateful for this finally happening in my life. I find that when I just think of whatI will have according to what I have planned for today. I am finding that there are a lot more important things to do other than planning in detail the next binge of when and where this will happen during my day. I have heard that each relapse is premeditated and carefully thought out in our heads before we even eat the food we think we want at a particular time. Food thoughts can be redirected.. We constantly need to ask ourselves questions about the food we think we want to eat at a certain time. We need to challenge our reasoning for when we want to binge or eat foods that are not particularly good for us.. I am finding that when I do this I decide that the binge of sugar( a big trigger food for me) isn't worth the 5 seconds of ecstasy and the two hours of regret and guilt... I have had this habit of eating something sugary after work.. Its like I eat to get rid of my stress of the day.......I am finding that this is not the answer for me any longer.. This past week, I have had to pretty much go straight home, and make a snack for myself of fruit and yogurt or soy milk or even a few oz of meat and fruit. This planned snack has really helped me, each day. I find that I am looking forward to this snack and it keeps me out of the the food that does not help me. I find this snack carries me over till dinnertime happens. I no longer have an urge to eat anything else, the rest of the night .. I may have some water, but nothing else that evening. Night eating has never been a problem for me, its during the day, especially in the afternoon between 3 pm and 6 pm.
The week has been really stressful and crazy for me. Right now I am doing two jobs, and my thoughts have gone back to what I need to do to just deal with the particular issue. I am learning to think the thoughts, and to let the thoughts go and not react to my normal way of reacting.. Which is to buy a sugar thing, to calm myself.... I finally understand I don't need to eat this sugary thing, to cope with life. I just need the confidence to deal with the situation and know there are other ways to cope with stress of any sort. I wish you day of not eating additively and a day of being truly happy with the foods you have chosen to eat.

I am still a Food Addict

2008-09-16T23:05:00.004-04:00

Today has been a good day. Seven days have gone by and I have been able to stay away from flour, wheat and sugar products. I feel tired, and have a headache, but i will survive. I know I feel this way because I am detoxing from flour, wheat and sugar products. The fact that I have been abstenint for 7 days, gives me reason to celebrate in a quiet way. I finally feel I will be able to continue with the recovery process of staying away from foods that cause cravings for me.
Yesterday, I wanted to buy a vanilla latte. I went to the store, ordered the latte, paid for it and then took a few sips and decided it wasn't what I wanted to drink, in the first place. When a trash basket was found, I put the latte there. It may not seem a lot to most people. However for me it was quite a big thing. I was able to make the choice to not want to drink the coffee, after tasting it. It meant to me, I was able to make decision about what I want to eat . I am finding that analyzing what I am obsessing about, at any particular time, helps me to get to the root of what is going on, at any particular time. Using food for comfort has been a nightmare for me, and sometimes its hard to figure out, if I am feeling hunger, or if I just need to talk to someone.
I have used food for comfort all my life. Its a way of numbing my real thoughts and thinking I can replace the emotion at the time with the food.. I am learing that two minutes of pure chocalate bliss, isn't worth the guilt, or the self loathing. Habits are so hard to break, but they can be broken, if we can just stop tripping over ourselves for a few minutes, and see where they are leading us . I guess the question we all need to ask ourselves is; do we eat ourselves, till we are sick or do we eat meals, that are sensible and healthy and well planned out thoughtout each day. Feel free to share your thoughts.

Today's Journey

2008-09-14T01:22:00.004-04:00

The day to day living in recovering from food addiction, is a lot like kayaking. To get where u want to go, while kayaking, you have to keep moving the paddle in the water. In living with food addiction, I have to keep reminding myself to keep moving my body away from the food. If I keep myself balanced and full of hope, then I can keep the cravings from creeping into my body. Like kayaking, you have to be prepared for all types of occasions, for when you may be in harms way. For example, if I am not prepared for my meal when I am out of the house, during the day, disaster is sure to happen. I will most definately relapse for I will need to get rid of the hunger quickly, with foods that are triggers for me. Food addiction is a very serious problem, today in our society. We have so many choices today, especially with products that are made with sugar, flour and wheat. It is so overwhelming because from what has been observed by many is that there is an overwhelming amount of food items that are full of sugar, flour and wheat. Have you noticed the many variations of just one item made with sugar.

I have also noticed the amount of food that is put on plates when eating out. Can u really eat a 15 oz steak, in one sitting. I am pretty sure I would not be able to eat all of that. I have found that when I am prepared with a meal, because I have been at work or visiting friends I have to be prepared with making sure the meal is balanced and proportionate. When I am prepared, throughout the day, I am helping myself with keeping the cravings out of my body and learning to take care of myself, in a way, that is healthy for me. Having balance while kayaking, and having balance throughout my day with the food choices I make will help keep my body balanced physically, mentally and spiritually. How have your food choices today helped you to also keep your body balanced?

My Recovery for Today

2008-09-13T02:03:00.008-04:00

Good day to everyone. Its been a while since I have written, and when there hasn't been activity on this blog it usually means that my recovery has been nonexistent also. I have made a lot of attempts in the past month to be back into recovery but the attempts have been weak and also very inconsistent. I may have a few days of good recovery and then I relapse again. Last week, I found that I was eating on schedule and my meals were planned also. In other words I concentrated on what I needed to for myself. I let my self- will get the best of me which resulted in not sticking to the plan. This week I have been back in recovery since Thursday. I feel a bit different about this last attempt; it finally dawned on me, today, that I have choices in my life, concerning many things in my life, but for now I will be speaking of my food choices. I really wanted to buy an ice coffee today. These thoughts stayed with me and voiced the reasons why I need to have this ice coffee. Then a thought came to me, "You do have a choice in purchasing this ice coffee. You know the ramifications of what happens WHEN you buy the ice coffee. The cravings that accompany with the drink, are very apparent. Is the pain, the guilt and and self loathing really worth that ice coffee? I decided to choose not to have the ice coffee. In making my choice, I felt better about myself and I did feel the freedom of not drinking this. The freedom came with self empowerment of making healthy choices. I must say that I felt really good to know i really had achoice in this struggle I was experiencing. I am slowly finding that analysing my choices, especially when they may be poor choices, helps me in the long run, as I am looking at both, the pros and cons of this choice. In doing this, I learning to be accountable with myself and also not be so impulsive.
We all have different triggers when it comes to food. I feel its important to understand what they are and to find non- food replacements for them. Lately I have found drinking waters helps me and also to call a freind that will listen to the struggles I am dealing with at that particular time. Planning your daily food intake and staying away from volume and triggers help a great deal.
I feel today when I thought about the fact that I have choices I realized that this revelation was possibly my higher self speaking to me and guiding me in this. I am so thankful for this to have occurred for I know I am not alone in this struggle. Acceptance is such a important part of recovery. It is also one the most difficult concepts to grasp. Food has such an emotional hold on us with the cultures and traditions we have lived with in our life. I have come to the conclusion that I am the only one to help myself. No one can make our choices for us. We have to be the ones do this for ourselves.

Dear Heavenly Father, and the angelic realm. Thank you for helping to know that by making healthy choices, in the food I eat, that I am helping myself and also my family, in living well. Thank you for reminding me of the ramifications that what I have been eating is harming my body, mind and spirit. I ask you for daily guidance in daily choices for my meals and evening snack. Thankyou for helping me to see the importance of acceptance, in dealing with my food addiction. Thank you for all that you are and all that you do. Amen.

I pray that today is a day of healthy choices and peace and clarity in all that you do. Please feel free to share your light bulb moment in dealing with your food issues day to day.

Today's Food Thoughts

2008-08-19T21:46:00.001-04:00

Two days have passed and I am finding out what life is like without sugar, flour and wheat. Ok... I had a bagel Monday morning, but that is all the past two days. I have planned all of my meals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I have brought my lunch to work both days and have eaten very healthy dinners and metabolics.
After writing this past weekend of my struggles in the last few weeks, I made a decision, I believe that I will not eat in the manner I have been eating. Its not worth feeling of what I feel after i eat food that I have no control over. There are individuals that are able to eat one candy bar and not want another one for a month. I have found that when I eat a candy bar, I want another candy bar after the first one.
How much of my time is filled with thinking about what, where, when and how I can eat, with a dialogue about counting calories or will I gain weight.... going on in my head. Everyday and usually every moment I am awake. Especially when I have been in the sugar, flour and wheat, previously. When I am in the sugar, there is constant thinking about what I think I need to eat . The reason could be just about anything: boredom, lonliness, anger, happy, hungry or tired. They say that relapse is premeditated as the decision to relapse is always well thought out...
I agree with that because I know exactly how, when, what and where the relapse is going to take place. I have found that I need to find new things to keep myself occupied and when I look for solutions in this only then will recovery happen.....I don't really think about the calories as i never really interested what calories meant.
I am totally powerless over my food addiction, as i have no control over flour,wheat and sugar. The cravings will not dissipate, unless i have totally stayed away from these substances. I feel the experience of relapse has helped to accept that I am truly addicted and that I have a solution also. I cannot do this alone and I know that my Angels and my higher power is with me.. I also get the feeling that sometimes they are guiding me to find recovery once again.

Dear Heavenly Angels and Higher Power, I ask that you be with myself and those that are suffering with the issues of food addiction. I ask that you help all those who have the will to live in the peace of recovery and clarity. Please dear Father ask your angels to surround all those in need. I know in my heart that recovery is what I desire at this time. To eat healthy is let the sun shine brightly and to be in a place of complete serenity. Dear father I have experienced recovery for four years. I am ready to do what I need to do, to help myself and all those in need. You have shown my your love, countless times in my life. You are always with me and all who I am in contact with. Amen

I wish you all a day of being satisfied what you plan to eat each day. I am finding that it is a choice to decide to eat in a healthy way.. I wish you all every success in accomplishing this.

"If God brought you to it, He will bring you through it."

Today's Food Thoughts

2008-08-17T22:31:00.001-04:00

Today, I made the decision to have a good eating day. I decided it didn't have to be a perfect day but that there had to be an improvement in the way my eating patterns were. I had a decent breakfast and didn't have a lunch so to speak as I slept in and felt I didn't need a lunch. So had a ice coffee and then later got a sugar thing, and had a really good dinner of chicken potato and green beans, before I go to bed I will have some fruit and2 oz of meat. I am happy about today the amount of sugar was reduced and that volume was not a big issue for me. Tomorrow I plan eat a decent breakfast and bring my lunch for work, have a decent dinner . It is so important for me to plan my day food wise... If I don't plan my eating I have set myself for trouble. I am hoping that tomorrow I will find out about what is happening with my promotion. I have decided that if I don't get the particulars of this I will just give it to the universe and angels... There is no sense in me eating over the uncertainty of all of this.. What will that accomplish ... except feeling of guilt of eating food that is not good for me...
I now see that it truly is a decision to eat healthy . It takes lots of planning and also a lot of positive intention in accomplishing this. I know that I have the ability to carry through with staying in recovery... Its just not worth the abuse of overeating. Speak to your angels and they will guide you with finding the way for you to recovery also....

Food Thoughts from a Food Addict

2008-08-16T19:28:00.001-04:00

It has been exactly a month since I have last written in this blog. Alot of really good things have happend in my life in the last month. I have gotten a promotion at work in the last week. This is a first for me as I have never gotten a promotion anywhere I have worked at. I am really happy about this new event in my life but I have a lot of what ifs and unknowns about when this will take place. The final details such as what the salary will be and when this position will start are not clear at this time. I have a real hard time being patient in finding out this information.. I want to know when the job starts and what my salary will be ......yesterday. Of course as I am writing this I see in my minds eye a huge pink P. When I see this huge P I know its my Angels way of saying to me, "Please have some Patience in this matter.
So what have I been doing in dealing with the anticipation of this new position? I have been eating things I don't really need, to help calm my nerves. In my head, I am thinking the good feeling of eating flour wheat and sugar lasts usually for 5 seconds and then the guilt sets in... And the anger of not using my will power plays over and over in my head. Anger, guilt and self loathing continue play on my head too.... Is it really worth eating the ice cream sundae and then feel this way about myself? What if I just had a piece of fruit and some water to help me deal with the hunger I may be feeling at this time. Or what about going for a walk to help settle my nerves of what I am experiencing before I bite into that candy bar.
In my heart i know that eating large amounts of sugar wheat or flour is a form of self abuse... As it has emotional and physical ramifications. I do deserve to not to continue to abuse the food the dear Lord has provided for me. I also feel that the Angels and God really want me to get back into recovery, for the sake of my health and for the sake of my emotional stability. I know that when I am off of the sugar flour and wheat I am a happier person, that I feel alot of clarity and feel very much at peace. I am so thankful for what I have in my life. My life has certainly had times that have been very difficult, and I have also had many happy times. That is what life is about... The ups and downs of life keep us going and its up to us to enjoy the journey. This food addiction is something i abhore but u know what i do have a solution and know its up to me to find recovery and to stay in recovery..... So I ask myself which is worth doing eating a vlouminous amount of food or eating food that is healthy and staying away from the food that triggers me each timeI attempt to eat the food... I wish all you luck in finding the way that is right for you to eat and to be happy and peaceful for your choices that you choose today.

Food Thoughts from a Food Addict

2008-07-16T21:36:00.001-04:00

I have made a decision for myself and that is to surrender my issues of food addiction to God and to my angels. I can no longer do this alone. I need help and I have asked them to lead me. I have been discussing my food issues with my husband lately. I was telling him that the hardest time of the day is after work. I have this view that I need to do something nice for myself after spending 8 hours at work dealing with the daily grind there. So I of course treat myself to all sorts of delectables, to fill the need of rewarding myself for a day of work. (kind of like treating myself to a beer after a day of work.) My husband offered to have a smoothie waiting for me in the refrigerator for me , so that when I get home for work there will be something for me. I agreed to this and now each day this week there has been smoothie waiting for me. This has been very successful as I feel that I have a reason to go home immediately to drink this smoothie. Next week I will make my own smoothie. My food intake today was really healthy and satisfying. I didn't seem to be looking for something during the afternoon or evening. I find drinking plenty of water helps me too. Right now I am taking baby steps towards my goal of getting back to the food program I was once on... Something struck me today, which is "Just because I have a food thought, doesn't mean I have to act on it." Today when I had food thoughts, I asked my angels to be with me and to help me change the habit of eating whenever a thought struck my fancy. I know that my angels will help to the extent that I need help. I know they will be with me every step of the way. Getting off sugar, flour and wheat is a lot like getting off drugs or alcohol. I think i can get off the wheat and flour ok, its the sugar that is difficult. I have been off sugar for a day now, except for a can of gingerale. I feel pretty good and I am glad to have started once again on my recovery. So once again I am on my way to recovery and hoping that this time I will have surrendered my self will about what I think I need to eat at any particular time.
Todays Prayer
I ask that the angels who are around me always, that they continue to guide me in dealing with my food issues. I ask that they lead me to recovery and to also help me to recover this battle over food. I cannot continue to eat the way I have been eating. I ask that they surround me in light and keep me from the abuse of food that has been occuring the past year and a half. I fully surrender my self will to God and to you my angels. I thank you for the patience you have shown me and I want you to know the fight is over. I cannot continue to live way any longer. Thank you for all that you are and all that you do.
Amen

Food Thoughts from a Food Addict

2008-07-07T21:42:00.001-04:00

I have been sitting here for the last 5 minutes, deciding what it is I need to write about, tonight. Since I have decided to make this blog about my struggles with food addiction, I will keep you all informed of the last 2 weeks. when I first decided to write about. You are probably wondering why I haven't written during this time. I have about 20 excuses I could tell in great detail, or I could tell the truth and say exactly why I haven't written in my blog. I will go with the truth and see how that goes. Sometimes the truth is hardest to tell, mainly because of pride and the all powerful ego. I am finding out that the ego can be so powerful that we have a hard time being our true self. So by now, I am sure you are really interested why I haven't written in the past two weeks..The main reason is because I have not been able to get any amount of abstinence in the food I have been eating. The first two days, I was able to prepare my lunch for work and to stay away from flour, wheat and sugar. That is until I saw something in the grocery store that I felt I couldn't pass up. From that moment on I steadily went downhill. This is getting really tired because this seems to be the pattern with me lately. I do well for a few days adn then I go into total relapse and have a very hard time getting back onto the program. So I guess it was my sense of shame that has kept me from writing in my blog, about my struggles with my eating addiction. I think I felt that if I had nothing good to say then why bother to write. I know I am not the only person with food addiction issues, as i feel that alot of people are suffering just as I am at this time. I feel there are some choices i need to make to make sure I am following my program. I will work on this and write about for tomorrow. Hopefully the points that I bring out will help you to do some planning and also some sort of structure to begin a program for yourself also... In this blog I will speak of the food plan I am presently on, except to say that I have abstained from flour, wheat and sugar which are foods I am not able to tolerate. Feel free to speak of your struggles and your pain in your struggles. Till next time.

Have a great day.

Peg

Thoughts for Today

2008-06-22T18:28:00.001-04:00

Was there ever a time in your life when there was something so obvious that u needed to do?Especially since you really wanted to do this thing. But something got in the way( like your ego). I mean, this thing was right in your face, but you choose to ignore this thing. This happend to me today, after speaking to someone on the phone.
I have been dealing with food addiction all of my life. Though I never knew that I was a food addict, until I was 48 years old. I had always thought that I gained weight because I
had no will power, over what I was eating, day in, day out. I loved to eat and I ate whatever tasted good to me, anytime I felt like eating. About a year before I realized I was a food addict. I realized that my health was in danger, because of the weight I was carrying, at that time. I joined a national diet chain and I found I was doing quite well with losing weight. I started the program in Novemeber and had lost about 60 lbs by July. Of course, as with all diets, you start to get sloppy with your habits, especially because the food that was forbidden to eat, was given back to you in small amounts. Well I found I wanted to eat more than 1 inch of brownie or two cookies per serving. That worried me greatly. I knew then that the weight would come back on again, because I found I just couldn't eat the small amount allotted to me.
I found a program that I wanted to join and decided that this is what I needed to do for myself. I needed to stay away from flour, wheat and sugar, to stop the cravings of these foods. With in two months I was able to stop eating flour and sugar. This lasted for four years . I lost the weight I wanted to lose, which was about 120 lbs and was able to maintain my weight until an upsetting event had happend. I started eating these substances again. I had some periods of not eating flour, wheat and sugar, like for a month or so but it never lasted. I couldn't understand what the issue was as I had done this before. It has been a total struggle since December of 2006.
I have learned alot about the effects of food addiction and the damage it can do to me or anyone, with food addictions issues.
After speaking today on the telephone, I have decided that I want to use this blog to discuss the battle I am having with food addiction. Somehow maybe I help myself in coming to terms of what i need to do to be back into recovery . Maybe I will be able to help someone else that is struggling with this too. I welcome all comments and I hope that this blog will also help you with your recovery with addictive foods. All I can talk about is my experience and the constant battle I have with food. I will close this entry with a prayer to my Angels and to your Angels too.

Dear Angels

Please help me to eat just the right amount of food for tomorrow. I need to ask you to guide me in doing this for I cannot do this myself. I know that if I have a plan for each day for my daily intake of food Iwill have the right amount I need.

Have a great day everyone!!